first of all, get some good heads and tune them good, with the right tuning you can get the sound you want, but we are all not professional tuners, i use moongels myself, my tom set up is 8,10,12,14. I dont use any on the 8, i have 1 on both the 10 and the 12, they are close the the rim though, takes away just enuf of the annoying ring. I have 2 on my floor tom, my drums still sound full, but dont have a nasty ring, i think the dampning rims dampen to much..but thats just my opinion, play with it, see what you like and go with it!
I have used both Remo-O rings and moon gel. Both work great IMO (although I prefer moon gel because sometimes the rings can kinda "rattle" along the mounting bracket and it pisses me off). However, I would slowly start to move away from using dampening. I used to be a big dampening fan, but now I prefer the un-disturbed sound of my shells. The only thing I use is a "X" shape of tape on the bottom side of my batter heads right in the middle. It doesn't really dampen or kill over-tones but it does give it a much more "flat" sound that is associated with 60s-70s rock.