Breaking it to a band mate...


New member
I had been playing with a friend of mine since 10th grade. It has been two years since I graduated. He played guitar and nothing else. We never really progressed anywhere. We made a few originals but it didn't lead to anything. So, a guy he works with came along and joined us about 4-5 months ago. This new guy is an excellent guitar player and can sing as well. This new guy and I clicked right from the begining. But my other friend wanted to play one style while the new guy and I wanted to play a different style. I didn't want to ruin my friendship with him since I have known him almost my whole life. So, I (we) got rid of him in a professional manner about 2 months ago. We didn't want to offend him in anyway. He wasn't happy at first, but I'm sure he has got over it. It had to be done because we felt we weren't progressing with him. I (we) actually wanted to progress and if that wasn't happening, then what was the point? To be in the band just because he is my friend was out of the question. So, my question to you is:

Have you had to let a band mate go and if so, how did you do it and what were the results?


New member
I have gone through the exact same thing. It was the bassist. We told he couldnt play to well and we wanted a new bassist. He knew he could play good and took well. But were still freinds (we have been since age 2) and play together SOMETIMES and that reminds us why we booted him.


New member
i actually had to confront this problem last week.......actually, this guy had been in the band longer than i had..........stylistically, the fit was tenuous at best and he got along terribly with the lead singer........replacing the lead singer was out of the question.......and this guy was getting really whiney on a consistent basis and seemed really unhappy............

the rest of the group discussed it and decided to let him go...........we addressed it head on at band practice.........we discussed our differences all together..........conferred once more and just told the guy face to face.........when it's obvious it's not gonna work, the guy you're letting go can't argue with you............what with our band being a democracy to boot.........he simply got outvoted.........

you gotta respect when folks shoot straight with you.......


New member
STAK":2mli1hu8 said:
when it's obvious it's not gonna work, the guy you're letting go can't argue with you............

Exactly. He didn't argue with us either. In my case I had been playing with JUST him for 3 years and got no where. That's why my new band mate and I, who clicked so well together, got rid of him.


New member
You could always line the band members up and go with "OK guys, everyone who is in the band take a step forward....(Jimmy) you stay there."


Seriously though...anyway you slice it, it usually ends up awkward for a little while, especially if your band becomes more successfully once the old member is replaced. Time eventually heals all wounds though!


New member
skatroma":2y5w2num said:
You could always line the band members up and go with "OK guys, everyone who is in the band take a step forward....(Jimmy) you stay there."


Seriously though...anyway you slice it, it usually ends up awkward for a little while, especially if your band becomes more successfully once the old member is replaced. Time eventually heals all wounds though!
Hahaha. Good point.


New member
i (we) had to let my guitar player go one time. this band is long since broke up, and i always think of how things would have been if we hadnt let him go. he was a great guitar player and all, but he destroyed live shows. tuning in the middle of songs LIVE!!!, dropping his pants, offending a bunch of people in the crowd, and consitantly showed up late for gigs and practice. it finally came to a point where he was hurting our rep. it seemed good at the time, but i regret it now cause he was the only real friend i had in the band that was always with me and on my side. as soon as the EMO scene came, the rest were all over that, a complete change from our once original edgy rock sound. our old guitarist would never go for that, so thats where i regret letting him go. he could have backed me up when i was against four other guys who wanted to scream their throats out. whatever. now i do a cool hard rock/industrial by myself check it ou

but yeah, kicking members out sucks, but it has to be done sometimes. try to stay friends if you can, my guitarist finally came around and we've played together since then.


New member
I moved from Dallas in 2000 to form a band in Minneapolis
The bass player and I started with an album's worth of sketches
It took a bit of time with guitar players not panning out but we eventually settled on one
He worked out very well (and has accelerated as of late)
About 4 years of the band's existance, I was growing restless and my requests to start touring wer falling on deaf ears
Finally, I had enough and decided to leave the band
It was the hardest decision I ever made because it was the best band I had ever been in

It got messy when the bass player decided to get personal in public and spread misinformation around town when I was down here in Texas
I start hearing all sorts of shit filtering back down to me as well as the things he was saying on message boards etc....
Things are somewhat resolved because he did smooth things over and admitted his mistakes
We'll see if the face to face meetings help to resolve the bad blood when I get up there

I will be hitting town with a brand new concept that i think is very different and exciting
I'm not sure what the Ex is doing now because there is no new music of theirs available for me to listen to but I look forward to seeing the old band in the audience regardless of issues
Plus, it feels good to have progressed so much since i quit
I hate to think such petty thoughts but it would be nice to show their asses up

I will be checking your stuff out as soon as I can get somewhere without shitty dial up


New member
alright we fired this kid because he was a complete cock ass!!!! all we did was called him before practice and told him to not bother showing up! then the little prick called us back and started making demands! lol! so then we just told him to fuck off, after that we started to really get out name out there!

damn guitarists!!! lol!


New member
I once was the guy being kicked out of the band, because they thought I would not fit musically. I'm a funky rock drummer :) and they needed a stiff static drummer, they hated the accentuated downs while 8th on the hihat. After reflecting for about half a year I actually agree. But it hurt somehow because the band was great fun to play, however, they do not exist anymore and I don't care. I still have contact with the guys once in a while and there's no bad blood at all. I got over it :) I wouldn't have started the new band (which I very much enjoy) if I still would be playing in the other. So after a while I realized being kicked was a great thing. This insight just need its time, and a new band of course.

One of the new band's guitarists is not so good technically but a good guy and he plays with the right attitude to the music and does contribute riffs and his ideas which I like. He's just a bad guitar player, so we sit down and give him lessons. I very short had the thought what would happen if we would replace him. It would not be the same band. So I took the hard task to explain to him that he really needs to practice and to listen to what I and the other guitarist say.

Talking is always helpful, at least in my cases.



New member
This has to be thw worst part of being in a band. I haven been on both ends of it and its not easy either way.
Witg over 20+ years of experience, I would say be honest and upfront from the begining. It doesn't pay to be timid or shy away from confrontation. That is my nature and it just doesn't work.
You have to remember, in this bizz, bad word travels fast and if you treat some one like crap, people will know about if FAST!. So treat everyone with respect and as you would like to be treated...

It's not easy but it's all about the music..
-Tom E. :shock:


New member
I was kicked out of a band once, by the singer, who wanted to get her ex-husband and former drummer in the band so she could get back together with him. The guitarist and bassist promptly quit. One, because she didn't consult them first. Two, the ex-husband guy had another band and was fairly busy with that and his job. The guitarist and bassist just told the bitch singer that they would do the two remaining gigs on our schedule and after that it was over. I moved on, played in several other bands over the years, and have not run into her (except on myspace) since. I saw on her site that she is still whoring out the same songs we wrote (as a group) but is giving herself all the credit. Never mind the fact that the guitarist had to teach her what to play and how to play it. She re-recorded some of the songs with her new band. They're nowhere near as good as we used to sound, but I guess that's because we wrote the parts and now they're being played by people to whom those parts are at the very edge of their ability. At least thats what it sounds like....But I could play those songs in my sleep. Her loss.....Maybe that's why her schedules is empty.


New member
Ive been in the situation twice, and its been identical both times. 1st time: I played lead guitar in the band, concentrated more on drums than guitar, got kicked out.... 2nd time, I played drums (and still do) in the band, the lead guitarist was concentrating more on drums than guitar and..... we kicked him out :) I dont know how the others did it, I'm guessing they told him lightly, after theyd told basically the whole town that he was going, before he even knew.... He hates me now....

But it was worth it, our new guitarist moves on stage, sings backup, gets into the music, writes songs.....

And on top of that, hes GINGER!!!!!


New member
i had a similar situation, but it has since turned out for the better. we had to kick out one of our guys (and we're all friends from high school), but because he was flaking out and playing in another band. the simple story is that he just wanted to do different material, and he was more passionate about it. so he just would not show up to practices. we all just confronted him honestly, and said "we want to remain friends so we're going to tell you straight up that you either need to put your effort here, or you need to let us know that you don't want to do it and leave, because flaking out just pisses us off. we don't want to be at odds, so if you want to do the other thing, we support you, we'll find someone who can devote the necessary time." so he quit himself. we had 2 temporary fill-ins, but still managed to write songs, although i felt he was a major contribitution to the overall sound and vibe. eventually his other band fizzled out due to similar circumstances. everyone else in it just kind of lost interest. so since we still kept in touch, he wanted to know if he was still welcome, and at the time the drummer we had just wasn't reliable so we brought him back. i'm thankful that he came around because you can really hear the difference he makes, even if only subtle. that, and he's got the best sense of humor of all of us, so when things get edgy, he'll crack us up with some off-the-cuff remark.


New member
myself and 3 of my friends were in aband together. we looked for a vocalist, found one and soon after the singer asked me to fire both the bassist and rythm guitar player.

They were both my best friends at the time and didnt know how to do it. honeslty im not sure how they found out but they did and both called me the same night, one in particular pissed as fuck. on top of that i was driving around an annoying drunken girlfriend. a few weeks later we were all back to freinds.

im actually in a band currently with one of those guitar players and we just recently had to fire our vocalist because of musical differences...i guess haha. ive been friends with this kid since at least 1st grade. so it was tough. me and him are still cool but he was pissed at first and then we radomly kept running into each other so were both cool with each other still.


New member
I have had to do this many 'o times and everytime it is hard.. Part of a band is getting close to the members in it. But once in a while you have to let them go (as obviously stated in the point of this topic). One thing I try to realize is that, you if your not happy with the situation, you have to get out of it.

I will say that one mistake people make is letting go of a member because a nother guy/girl comes in that is a "better" player. Just cause he can rip faster and better, does not mean that he has better chemistry, better creativity, better business methods, or a better person to be around.. You have to look at all the angles, or you may find that you have made a mistake.

Drama is usually a huge factor for breakups and the lack of success for a band, eliminate that factor before it gets out of control.

That is all :)

Danny Cayocca


New member
Yeah I had the same thing with a newbie bassist, Me and my best mate who plays guitar, want to cover alot of Nirvanas stuff, and make our own stuff up. But when it comes to try an practice all the bass player wants to do is make up crappy little riffs which don't even sound good, now my best mate don't wanna let him go cus it's his mate but at the end of the day we wanna be able to play.
We're still trying to let him go lol.


New member
We had to kick out a guitar player because we was a "do it my way because my way is better" kinda guy. He was never a dick about it, but his way wasn't always better, y'know? We're still friends, and we still jam, but it's better that we're not on a profesional relationship. Now, i'm still in the band, and still have another guy to jam with to "break it up"