Other Musician jokes

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vargasdrumbeast
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Post Sat Feb 17, 2007 12:22 pm

Heres one from the simpsons

Lisa asks bart a to play drums with a group that she likes, Bart is not convinced that he should do it, then Lisa offers him the rest of her meal, he then accepts saying "HOORAY NOW IM PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN"

I think thats how it goes, cant remember

:(
chachaman02
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 8:48 am

What do you call a guy who hangs out with a band?
A drummer

Whats the difference between a drummer and a pizza pie?
A pizza pie can feed a family of 4.

How do you shut a guitarist up?
give him some sheet music.
Chastise
tbruchey
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:00 am

how many drummers dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

5

1 to screw it in and 4 others to talk about how much better neil peart would have done it
Pearl Drums, Hardware and pedals
OCDP Snares
Zildjian Cymbals
LP Percussion
Factory metal percussion
Vic Firth Sticks
E dog
beginner
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:03 am

what do you call a gnome that rides a bus...............a metrognome
what do band director do when they die.....................they decompose
E dog


SpHs

Jazz
marching
concert
youngdrummer
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:06 am

What do Ginger Baker and Coffee have in common?

They both suck without Cream.
drum_bum
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Location: your mum

Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:10 am

haha,some gd ones there that i havnt heard before..here's a couple:

Two girls are walking along when they hear..
Psst! Down here!'They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, 'Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous guitarist and make you both rich and famous!' The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket. The other girl said, 'What did you do that for?'

The first replied, i'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous guitarist any day!!!


Q. Why did the drummer put a pack of bass strings on his dashboard.
A. so he could park in the disabled lot.
Mapex M Birch kit
Zildjian cymbals
Evans G2 heads
Pro Mark sticks with vatar grip tape
DW double kick
drummerjeff88
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Location: Warwick, Rhode Island

Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:23 am

How is a vacuum cleaner similar to a guitarist? They both suck when you plug them in.

What is the difference between a concert band and a bull? The band has the horns in back and the ass in the front.

What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard.
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JeremySmith
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:13 pm

why does a jazz trombone player not like the park?


because he doesnt know how to swing or use the slide




whats the difference between a singer and a terrist?


you can negociate with the terrist.
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SteveSavage
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:03 pm

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.

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Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"

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How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.

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How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

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What did the bass player get on his IQ test?
Drool.

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Why are set breaks limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to retrain the bass player.

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A bass player, sick of all the bass player jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."

The owner points to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."

After browsing, the bass player says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."

The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a bass player, aren't you?"

The bass player, confused, says, "How did you know?"

The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."

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What do lead guitarist use for birth control?
Their personalities.

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Did you hear about the time the bass player locked the keys in the van?
It took two hours to get the lead singer out.

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What's the difference between a bass and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range.

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What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
"Isn't that the bass player's lamborghini?"

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What do you say to a lead singer in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"

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What do a vacuum cleaner and a guitar player have in common.
Both suck when you plug them in

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How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
They don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice

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Did you hear about the bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?

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Minimum safe distances between street musicians and the public:

Violinist: 25 feet
Bad Violinist: 50 feet
Tone Deaf Guitar Player who knows 3 chords: 75 feet
15 year-old Lead Guitar Player with Nirvana fixation: 150 feet
Drummer: 60 miles

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Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.

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What's the difference between maple drums and berch drums?
the mable drums burn hotter; the berch drums burn longer.

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How many emo singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

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What's the difference between 5 puppys and a emo band?
Eventually the puppys stop whining.

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How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

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How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

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How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash it back out.

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Know how to make a million dollars in a rock band?
Start with three million.

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What's the difference between a bull and a ska band?
The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back

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What's the difference between a drummer and Dr Scholl's footpads?
Dr Scholl's footpads buck up the feet.

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What is the ideal weight for a lead singer?
About 2 1/2 lbs. including the urn.

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What's the difference between God and a lead singer?
God knows He's not a lead singer.

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"Mommy," said the little girl, "can I get pregnant by anal sex?"

"Of course you can." her mother replied. "How do you think drummers are made?"

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What's the first thing a bass player says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

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Why do musicians have to be awake by 6pm?
Because most shops close by 630.

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What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

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Why are drummers like stagecoach drivers?
They controll the speed and the brakes and have to look at horses asses the whole time.

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Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"

The man says, "I was a doctor."

St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates..... Next! What did you do on Earth?"

"I was a school teacher."

"Go right through those pearly gates..... Next! And what did you do on Earth?"

"I was a musician."

"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..."

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What does a stripper do with her asshole before going to work?
Drops him off at band pratice!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
nomadrules
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:36 pm

How many Guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
11, one to change it and ten to stand around saying 'Huh! I could have done that better!'

Two bass players walk into a bar.....
You would think that one of them would have seen it!

A man walks into a shop and says 'Can I have one of them Zildjian drums and a Remo pedal'
The guy behind the counter says 'You're a bass player aren't you?'
The man looking dumfounded says 'Yeah, how can you tell?'
'This is a travel agents!'
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win_daddy
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 5:47 pm

"What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?"

(do I HAVE to tell you the answer??? - lol!)
A (insert your instrument here) :lol:
-Win
ccrdrums
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Location: Midland,Texas

Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:11 pm

how do u know when a drummer sucks

he BRAGS about playing a lars ulrich solo



so true
In order for God to increase we need to decrease.
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aztec1
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Post Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:38 pm

This thread is hilarious!

Know how to make a million dollars in a rock band?
Start with three million.

Golden! :lol:

I didn't know any musician jokes before this thread, thanks!
justinbetz
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Post Fri Apr 06, 2007 1:41 am

I HAVE A GREAT ONE...MY OLD BOSS AT A BAR I USED TO WORK AT TOLD ME THIS ONE.....

-What is the difference between a large pizza and a professional musician??

- Answer: A large pizza can feed a family of 4